You Don’t Lose Love Just Because A Relationship Is Over

Wise words.

Thought Catalog

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In seventh grade science class, I learned that matter always is: it can never be created, lost or destroyed. It is simply transformed or recycled into something new, something unrecognizable.
 
A month ago, my relationship came to an end. This was a person that I had loved blindly and unconditionally while we were together. This past month, I had been feeling such sadness and anger over all of the love I put into a black hole never to see again that I had forgotten a very important lesson that I had learned in the seventh grade: love is like matter. It can never be created or destroyed, it is just recycled or transferred, but it is always present if we open our eyes to our other relationships in our lives.
 
Often times we get hung up on the selfish love, the love where our ego is involved…

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3 thoughts on “You Don’t Lose Love Just Because A Relationship Is Over

  1. Dear Princess Lara,

    When I was in the fourth grade my life had taken a drastic turn which I was it aware of at the time. Like every previous year, all us former students would wait with anticipation to have the “new kids” introduced to us. That’s when I met this girl. At that time she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. Fortunately, we stayed in the same class throughout most of our school years where we slowly grew closer. We were best friends for most of the years, and when we weren’t, we were dating on and off. Things were pretty serious by the time we reached high school, but then shit hit the fan. During the summer of 2013 we had both taken our different paths back to our home countries for the vacation. Things were fine as we kept in touch, as every previous summer, until something had changed. She decided to tell me how she didn’t want to continue school and didn’t want to come back to Oman, where we both lived. I tried being supportive as I always prioritized her happiness. Although that wasn’t enough. She began dating someone in the far far away land of Australia. I didn’t let it bother me too much since I always understood summer romances, but after a while I slowly began to believe her lie of never returning into my life; we lost contact.
    After the dreadful summer holiday, I returned to school with ashy drop of hope. Hoping she would be sitting in class, reminding me of what things were like when we had first met in grade four. But I was wrong, there she wasn’t. I tried telling myself it was right of me to lose contact with her when I did since she wasn’t here anymore, but then I had found out she was in the country but just didn’t want to come back to school. As any blindly inlove man would have done, I started talking to her again and got relatively involved with her life again seeing her quite regularly. Although things weren’t the same.
    I gave her all the space I could, which wasn’t hard since we weren’t in school together like we used to be. But maybe that was my mistake. She began dating someone else in Oman.
    With time, I gave up on her and started distracting myself with other relationships and school matters. I was slowly letting the love in my heart glow again, until Halloween 2014 where I fucked up. I hooked up with her thinking it was the right thing to do, except it wasn’t. I had made the girl I was inlove with feel like shit since she had cheated on her boyfriend with me.
    Basically after this we barely saw each other or yet alone talked to each other. I had completed my final year at school and graduated, finally, and moved here to Lebanon, and she had moved to UK where she lives with her new boyfriend. I’m not going to lie. She was always on my mind. I had grown accustomed to the pain in my heart as I let our memories slowly fade away. And now I have gotten used to waking up to her in my mind and doing nothing about it. As cheesy as it sounds; there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think of her. But I have learnt to accept things. I have learnt that as short as life is, it still has room for so much time to make so much difference and changes. My best friend has now been replaced by time which has also helped at large with my personal issues. But there’s one thing I need help with which time has left me clueless with:
    If I have gotten this far into keeping this as a part of my past, should I go on this way. After almost two years have passed I am not sure how to feel about the way I have handled things. Recently one of her friends had contacted me saying she needs my help to help this girl of my dreams. Of course I helped however I could, but apparently things aren’t getting better on her side and she’s been unhappy for a long time. Tomorrow is her birthday. Is it time I contact her as a friend to be there for her like we used in our younger years, even though I know there’s risk of my heart running back to her. Or do I owe it to myself to keep moving on after everything that she had done to me with no explanations.
    I tried leaving this for time to solve but I feel like I’m running out of time.
    You told me you’re smart and cool, Princess Lara, so let me know what you think.

    Sincerely,
    Frank

    • Dear Frank,

      I find it funny how some people cling to the idea of “high school sweethearts.” It might be easy to be swept away thinking that just because you grew up with someone, they automatically know everything about you; your secrets, your likes and dislikes etc. and it’s true because you are basically spending every other day together if not more. But as you know people tend to out grow things and believe it or not they tend to out grow people too. So often we don’t want to let go of things just because they are familiar and might resemble a safe ground to go back to even if they are toxic to us. You still have so much to learn about people and how easy it is for some to hurt and forget the ones that they’ve shared so much with. So just because you think you’ve spent enough time with someone doesn’t mean you know what he or she is capable of. I apologize on behalf of whoever this girl is and what she’s done but it’s up to you to decide how many times you’re going to let this girl use you and drain you emotionally and honestly no one can really tell you exactly what to do because only you know the situation that you’re in and the outcome of whatever decision you make WHEN YOU’RE READY and if you’re not right now, then that’s okay too. However, I can tell you that I have been through much worse and have always tried to help and go back to people that I should have cut loose way before I actually did (and it was the best decision that I’ve made btw.) Don’t get caught up in the idea that if you believe in a relationship and try your hardest to save it and stay in that certain person’s life, that a “happy ending” is lurking behind the corner. Because it might not and you have to realize that. Also, if you don’t contact her on her birthday, you might seem like an asshole because how dare you not contact the girl that has hurt you countless times BECAUSE DUH IT’S HER BIRTHDAY!?!?! But if it requires you to be an asshole to get peace of mind and move on from this then do ittttttttt. People do it all the time and fuck it do what makes you happy and maybe get drunk in the process? Haha.
      It’s also very easy for people to forget that there are others out there and the more you invest in a person that has no interest in investing back just means that you are wasting time when honestly you could be spending it with someone who deserve all of your efforts. The more you help her out Frank means you will become her safe ground but she might not be that for you.

      ….wait for it

      This girl is benefiting from whatever this weird relationship that you guys have (how very un-princess like of her, right?) but are you?

      How is that for your cliché ending? lololol

      You seem like a great guy Frank and you still have many maaaany situations to assess girls and their weird mentality because we are fucking weird. Go and explore young one! ☺

  2. Dear Princess Lara,

    You really are a princess. A very wise one too.
    And you’re right, it’s up to me to make the decision. But you’re also right about how I’m not benefiting from this at all. I guess I always knew the answer was to just keep doing my thing and keep going on, but I’ll admit when things get tough I tend to try and grasp onto the past. I read your other blog on home. I completely agreed with what you said about how home doesn’t have to be a certain place but can be a collaboration of people or thoughts and memories. Unfortunately my home may still be this place in my mind and memories where things were easiest and I thought I was happiest. Which is why I’m glad I’m new to Lebanon and get to go around exploring, and getting drunk.

    Thank you for your response which had honestly helped me clear things up in my mind. But fuck that, I wasn’t going to say happy birthday to her anyways, but now I’ve confirmed it really is the right thing to do, for me.

    You fucking wise princess, thank you again.

    Frank

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